Making the turn
July 29th, 2010
“A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn.” ~Author Unknown
When I first read this quote, my first thought was “OUCH”! This makes me wonder why I immediately assumed that I would not have made the turn. I really do not like thinking that I would expect the worse or to think that I wasn’t up for a snag in my plans. I am usually a pretty positive person. But the last couple of days, I have allowed some negative energy to cloud (or muddy) my thoughts.
So this quote is going on my mirror so that every morning it is the first thing I see. (Actually, I should put it on my coffeemaker!) I need to start every day with a reminder to bring my A game no matter what the universe throws my way.
Deb
Keeping up with the Joneses
July 28th, 2010
Quoted from Wikipedia
“Keeping up with the Joneses” is a catchphrase in many parts of the English-speaking world referring to the comparison to one’s neighbor as a benchmark for social caste or the accumulation of material goods. To fail to “keep up with the Joneses” is perceived as demonstrating socio-economic or cultural inferiority.
We’ve all heard it, and to be totally honest, I think nearly everyone has been guilty of it, even in a small way. Perhaps if we weren’t “guilty” of it, we have at times “wished” we had what someone else had, even if we didn’t try and keep up with those Joneses.
Someone used this phrase today and it made me think, not so much about keeping up materialistically, but how we sometimes wish we “were” someone else or “looked” like someone else. I have done this at times. Wished I was someone else, had someone else’s look, style, figure, etc.
I believe the older we get, the more our skin feels comfortable to live in. I like being me now and it took me many years to feel happy to be myself. Without walking the paths I have chosen or the paths I was forced to walk, I wouldn’t be who I am, I wouldn’t have the family I have nor the friends I’ve chosen.
Have I had times I wished I hadn’t had to endure? YES.
Have I had situations that I hated being in? YES.
Have I said things to others that I regret? YES
Have I made mistakes I wished I hadn’t? YES.
Would I be who I am today without them? NO!
When the wall hits me in the face and I don’t think there is any way out, I’ll make sure I remind myself that this too is “creating” me. The “me” who will wake up tomorrow and have walked along another section of my own personal journey and I’ll come out of this a better person.
I like keeping up with Chrissy now. It’s a lot easier to do and an enjoyable trip!
Chrissy
Strong Won’t
July 28th, 2010
“The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t.” — Henry Ward Beecher
I love this quote! It makes me think about the times I have wanted to quit at something that was / is really important. A few times really stand out. A few times that seemed life or death. A few times that still scare the hell out of me when I think about life would be like if the results were different.
I think many of us have a strong will. I think a strong will is a trait we are born with or acquire at a very young age and is very much a part of our personality. But what about a “strong won’t”? I do not believe we are born with a “strong won’t”. A “strong won’t” is based on our own personal value system and is our own measurement of morality. A “strong won’t” can test your value system and can be the difference between doing and doing what is right.
Having a strong will makes us fighters, but it is the “strong won’t” that keeps us fighting. Simply, a “strong won’t” is a conscience choice.
Deb
The Journey
July 28th, 2010
For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning. – T.S. Eliot
I love organized. I love simple. Therefore, I love quotes. For me, quotes are a gift from those who have had a deep (usually) thought and figured out how to write it simply while maintaining a meaning which others can relate to.
And speaking of speaking of organized and simple…Last week, I logged on to here after months and months of being away. I did some maintenance work to the blog, made some administrative changes to the format and spent some time reflecting on how this site started.
Years ago, there was a daytime reality TV show called, Starting Over. According to Wikipedia, “Starting Over is an American reality TV show that follows the lives of women who are experiencing difficulty in their lives and want to make changes, with the help of life coaches. It was the first reality TV show to be nominated for a Award. Six women at a time work to overcome obstacles and meet personal goals. When it is determined that a woman has met all her goals, she “graduates” from the house and is replaced by a new roommate. On the other hand, if it’s determined that she’s not met her goals, she could be put on probation, or even asked to leave.”
The show made me realize that every woman has a story. And herjourney.com was born out of the desire to share those stories, that journey. Several years after inception, Her Journey has moved away from a forum based site and has evolved into a blogging site. And as this site returns to the basics, the reason it was created – I am looking forward to the journey…
Deb
Growing in the soil of acceptance
March 29th, 2010
“Human beings, like plants, grow in the soil of acceptance, not in the atmosphere of rejection” John Powell.
Troy Dunn, The Locator, has gotten some press lately as a guest on The View, The Today Show, and Dr. Phil. The Troy Dunn series, ‘The Locator’, is about his search to reunite people looking for someone they love. New episodes of The Locator premiere on Saturdays at 9pm EST on the WE Channel.
Troy Dunn, a professional people finder and host of WE TV’s, The Locator recently joined Dr. Phil to share reunion stories. Troy Dunn has written books, made TV and radio appearances, all in an effort to reunite loved ones who have been separated for some reason. And after watching Friday’s episode of Dr. Phil, I realized the reasons for the separations can be so selfish and sadly, so damaging and the rejection – heartbreaking. I watched the show expecting it to be about reunions between siblings. I expected to cry a little, laugh a little and enjoy some fairy tale endings. I expected to hear some new information on a topic I find interesting, which is the genetic and biological connection we have with our siblings. But instead, I watched a heart breaking episode filled with the renewed realization of how devastating rejection can be.
In preparation for writing this article, I watched the episode again this morning. And what struck me the most was the impact – the lifelong impact – that rejection has on someone. Unless you live a charmed life, you have experienced some sort of rejection. As hurtful as any rejection is, the worst kind would have to be the rejection that a child feels who has been abandoned by a family member, especially a parent.
My heart broke as I listened to Troy Dunn read a letter to a daughter whose mother was found by Troy Dunn. As he read the letter, a letter written by the mother and filled with self-centered crap, you could see the daughter’s eyes cloud with tears. As the daughter carefully listened to her mother’s words, her hope for acceptance was washed away by the reality of rejection. And sadly, no matter what reason that mother gives, nothing will lessen the pain or minimize the unfounded blame that daughter has put on herself. Way to go “Mom”…
Deb
Melancholy
November 29th, 2009
I have been very blessed to have been able to call 3 women, “Grandma”. They all were very wonderful, strong women who took their roll of “grandma” very seriously. And for some reason, they have been on my mind a lot lately.
Did you ever get hit with one of those melancholy moments? I am not sure why I was hit with one today. Maybe it is because I have been establishing some habits in my own life that remind me of my grandmothers. Did you ever have a memory hit you and made you miss something that you had not thought about in years and years?
One of the things that I miss is the sound of a ringing phone. I mean the real ring of a telephone. My paternal grandmother had a phone that had a very distinct ring. Oh, I remember how it was always a welcome interruption in our day. Her phone had a very distinct sound. And on those warm summer days that were spent eating green apples, playing beauty salon or fishing in the creek (crick), the ring of the phone was always a much anticipated distraction. It meant we were a few moments away from hearing a little bit of gossip between my grandma and the person calling, or possibly some words spoken in my grandma’s native language or even a chance to hear her say her favorite saying “wait awhile”.
I miss hearing the ring of that black, heavy, corded phone. I miss the women I was fortunate enough to call “Grandma”.
Deb
Bucket List
September 29th, 2009
The other night, while I was working on this site, I was half watching a movie on tv – I have seen it before, so I was just letting it play in the background while I was working.
The movie, The Bucket List, directed by Rob Reiner, with Jack Nicholson (Edward) and Morgan Freeman (Carter). It is about two men who are terminally ill and have a list of things they want to do before they die. In one part of the movie, the two main characters – Edward and Carter – have traveled to Egypt and are looking at the pyramids. They discuss that the ancient Egyptians believed you get into Heaven by the answers to two questions:
1) Have you had joy in your life?
2) Have you brought joy to others?
Since the other night, I have been thinking about the two questions. And I keep going back to this: is that all we have to do? Is that it? Are we guaranteed “Heaven” if we can answer “yes” to the two questions. What if the answer is yes – then what about those who have brought pain to some while bringing joy to others. Does it balance out? Do a few rights erase the wrongs? Is there a scoreboard somewhere, a tally sheet that keeps track? It is pretty safe to say that we won’t know until we are at the end.
After a lot of thought, I am thinking that maybe – just maybe – the “bucket list” – isn’t an around-the-world vacation, race car driving, skydiving, climbing the Pyramids, or going on a lion safari in Africa. Maybe the true “bucket list” is a very simple list, attainable by all – and it isn’t materialistic nor does it take a millionaire to finance it. For me, it seems simple, the real “bucket list” is having joy in our lives because we have brought joy to others. That, my dear Carter, is the ultimate to-do list.
So when life’s lights start dimming and I close my eyes for the final time, I really hope and pray that I can answer yes to the question: Have you had joy in your life? Because if I can say yes, then I know that I adhered to my own “bucket list” and brought joy to others.
I hope all of you find the joy in your life…
Deb
The Anniversary Clock
June 29th, 2009
I was privileged to have a wonderful father and I loved him unconditionally. My cousin visited recently and we talked about our parents and we agreed that our childhood memories are treasures and we’ll take those wonderful memories to our graves. My dad passed away 11 years ago and there isn’t a day that goes past that I don’t think of him and smile.
We talked about their “quirks” and it brought back the memory of my father not being able to wear a watch. Well, that’s probably not quite true, because he could wear a watch, it’s just that they stopped working the minute he put them on his arm. Of course, they were the wind up type of watch, and it could never be explained by any jeweler that he told his tale of woe too. When battery operated watches were “discovered”, he thought he’d found a solution to his problem, purchased one and lo and behold it stopped within hours. He gave up and never put one on his arm again. He bought me 2 watches, one when I was 8 and one when I turned 18. I don’t have the first one he gave me, but I still have my 18th birthday present watch.
Dad’s weak heart gave up on him when he was 69 and after a 2 day struggle in ICU, he passed away. We were all with him and felt gutted. Exhausted, my husband took my mother and I home and we sank into the lounge chairs feeling empty inside.
My mother in law had given us an Anniversary Clock on our wedding day and I looked at the clock and was speechless. The clock was stopped on the exact time of dad’s passing. My husband tried to convince my mother and I that it was a coincidence ……..the battery must have run out……..he would fix it right away!
I was not convinced that he could, but watched in amazement as he put every new battery (and old) that he could find in that clock to try and get it going again. It has a pendulum, which is only for looks as it’s driven by the battery, but he pushed that pendulum around and around as if the motion would make the clock tick again. It didn’t. Nothing has moved that clock to this day, except for the day of my father’s funeral. When we arrived home we saw that it had moved forward to the time of my dad’s service and it’s still on that time today.
I did try one other time to put a new battery in the clock, wondering if it was just a “coincidence” and I guess in part to curb my curiosity about spiritual messages. It didn’t work. I also tried swinging the pendulum but it only “swung” while I pushed it and the minute I stopped pushing, the pendulum stopped swinging.
I still have the clock sitting on my bar (of all places, but I’m sure dad would get a kick out of its position) and I wouldn’t part with it. We have moved homes 4 times in those 11 years and I carefully pack the clock so it won’t get damaged.
Is there more to this life than we know? Is there more to this life than we believe or do we believe and trust that this is the first stage of our existence and there is more to come? Is there an explanation for this?
My father didn’t believe there was more to this life. He firmly believed that you were born, you lived and then you died. We “debated” this a million times. So, was this him telling me he was wrong about his side of the debate, or is this just a clock that gave up the ghost at a “coincidental” time?
Birthdays
May 20th, 2009
Today is my beautiful daughter’s 33rd birthday. I’ve been reminiscing all day about the day she was born.
14 months previously, I had given birth to my son, David, and he had only survived for 20 minutes. No answers back then as to what had happened, other than to tell me that I “probably” had a virus during pregnancy, try again one day, it’ll be ok. It’s never been “OK” and although the years have helped the scar of his death fade and with the fading the direct pain goes, every time I “see” that scar, I think of him and what he would be today.
I’ve learnt a lot since then and now I understand what happened. Not through any medical geniuses telling me, but because when my son was born, they came in and gave me an injection within a few hours of his delivery. Back then, not many people questioned nurses and doctors as to the “whys” but I had and was told “You’re an O Negative blood group dearie, and David was a Positive blood grouping. This is to stop you building up antibodies that will harm any future children you carry”. When Natalie was born, I wasn’t given this injection and questioned the doctor as to why. He told me that Natalie was the same O Negative grouping that I was and so it wasn’t needed. I accepted that at the time and then when I had my second son, Dale, 2 years later, I was once again told he was O Negative so no injection.
Prior to falling pregnant with David, I had suffered a miscarriage and as I have no idea what blood grouping the baby I miscarried had been, I now assume that it would have been a positive blood group and so my body had rejected David. What a wonderful thing medical technology is now. Had that happened today, …..well you all get the gist.
Back to Natalie’s birth day.
When I went into the labour ward, they steered me towards the same room I was in when David was born. I refused to go in. Told them I would rather deliver her in the car park than go in that ward. They “tut tutted” me but when they realised I had no intention of following their instructions, they steered me to another ward, but not without telling me how silly they thought I was being. Natalie was born in no time and a healthy bouncing baby. I can still remember the first time I held her in my arms and the promises I made to that little bundle of joy. She is now a grown woman raising a wonderful little boy herself. She has had her own journey to travel and I am so proud of her I could bust.
Besides being the most wonderful mother in the world, (yeh, I’m biased lol), she is now working with the aged population, caring for them as though they were her own family. Natalie is also a registered Marriage Celebrant. She is an inspiration.
I can’t believe 33 years have passed since I held her in my arms, checked every finger and toe (probably a million times), and felt my heart beat wildly with my promises to her of a wonderful life. I don’t know if I fulfilled every promise I made that day to her, but I’ve tried my hardest and I wouldn’t change anything that I did because I’m sure that what she is today, is due to the journey she has had.
One day she was a little baby, trusting everything I did and said and next thing I knew she was a woman, with a career, raising a child of her own, with her own thoughts, ideals and goals. 33 years! Where have they gone?
Chrissy
Current Affairs
May 15th, 2009
Recently, a reporter from a current affairs show in Australia dressed as a homeless person and hit the streets of Melbourne, sitting outside stores and buildings begging for money and mimicking others in the same situation. I think we’ve all seen these types of reported segments from time to time. It’s always distressed me to see that some people are so destitute. I also know that our personal life’s journey can lead to any junction or time when a choice we make can have a long term affect on our lives which is often not the way we had wished for it to go. Nobody asks to be born into a dysfunctional family or lose their job, and I always think “there but for the grace of God go I”.
The reporter spent some time with a youth who had a very sad story to tell and he’d written his request for small change on a cardboard sign and sat outside Myers, a large department store in Australia.
Our government do have funding for people in these situations, but of course it is a pittance and would be hard to exist in that budget. There are also organisations that offer meals and a roof over their heads, but I understand that funding is limited.
Our son lives in Melbourne and last weekend we flew down for a visit. We had a wonderful time. Melbourne was celebrating their annual Moomba Water Festival, so there was something happening all weekend and we enjoyed everything they had to offer.
On one of our days with our son and his girlfriend, we went to Myers Department Store and my husband recognised the youth sitting at the entrance and pointed him out to me. I was digging in my purse for some loose change until I had a second glance. There he was with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Now, I hope your not thinking I’m a prude, because I’m also a victim of nicotine addiction and often found with the same ugly thing hanging from my mouth, but it really made me stop and think of priorities.
No food? No roof over your head? No job? No money? ………….ummm… maybe no cigarettes would be a good start! I’m really hoping I wasn’t too judgemental. Thoughts?
Chrissy
